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Northeast Bible Church
19185 FM 2252
Garden Ridge, TX 78266
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November 2009 |
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Like many aspects of parenting, discipline can get trickier as children turn into teenagers. Although your kids are outgrowing timeouts or the loss of television privileges, they haven't outgrown the need for loving, healthy boundaries-and consequences when they mess up. Discipline methods may change as kids age, but the goal is the same: shaping them into responsible, respectful Christian adults who internalize God-honoring boundaries and good behavior.
Even when teenagers have more say in their rules, parents still have important roles to play. You clearly communicate and enforce the expectations and limits. You stand your ground when teenagers challenge your authority. You discipline (and follow through) in a calm, consistent way. You're present during good and bad times, assuring teenagers that you love them even when they mess up. Finally, you model good behavior, showing how loving obedience yields rewards.
Parenting expert Jim Burns says the goal of discipline is to teach kids responsibility, not to evoke obedience. "Our job is not to always prevent our children from making mistakes but rather to make certain they learn from their mistakes," he says. This needs to be done in a relaxed, respectful way, and it's the parent's job to establish this tone. "Shame-based parenting, when parents attempt to influence their kids' behavior through shaming, nagging, and negativity, simply doesn't work in the long run," Burns says.
Read on for more insights about the power of positive and loving Christian discipline.
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In the Bible, the book of Jonah tells of a prophet who learned a tough lesson about disobeying God. Group's Live Bible offers these insights into God's relentless pursuit of people who try to flee from him:
Trying to run away from God is a fruitless venture. He may let you off the hook for a short while, but in the end his purposes will be realized.
You can choose to live outside God's best for you, or you can participate with him in the big picture he has designed for your life, your circle of friends, your community, and the world. When we try to run away from God, we miss out on the joy of obedience.
The prophet Jonah is a quite complex (and sometimes humorous) character. As we watch, he attempts to do the exact opposite of what God asked him to do: Go to Nineveh.
We're a lot like Jonah-complex and sometimes humorous in how we respond to God. Read Jonah 1-3 with your teenager. Each of you just might see yourself in Jonah's story.
As Karl Barth said, "Man can certainly flee from God, but he cannot escape him."
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Check out these interesting statistics about teenagers and discipline:
• In an online poll, 273 teenagers responded to the question "What types of discipline do your parents regularly or usually use on you?" The top answers were:
o Loss of privileges such as cell phone (51%)
o Being grounded (40%)
o Physical punishment (22%)
o None; they either don't believe in discipline or are too wimpy to be confrontational (20%)
o Assigned extra household chores (19%)
• In the same poll, kids were asked how strict their parents are. Almost half (43%) of kids agreed with the statement "They let most things slide but are strict on the big stuff." But 12% of kids agreed with the statement "They're unpredictable; they go between strict and permissive, depending on their mood, how they feel, or maybe what phase the moon is that day."
(misterpoll.com)
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Discipline is like a root canal. It isn't fun, but it's good for you. Both are simple but decisive procedures that keep decay from destroying a whole structure, whether it be a tooth or a person. Once done, the weak and painful is restored to a state of strength and usefulness. Biblically speaking, discipline is a necessary good because of evil. Discipline is a positive promoter of spirituality, morality, and relational integrity, which the Bible refers to as "righteousness." So while discipline may keep the peace, its primary purpose is to help teenagers mature spiritually. There's the connection between discipline and discipleship. Often, the act of speaking the truth (with an attitude of grace) can help jump-start a young person's growth process. Here are some helpful discipline tips:
