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Northeast Bible Church
19185 FM 2252
Garden Ridge, TX 78266
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July 2009 |
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No matter how hard we try to protect our teenagers, they're bound to face some hardships and sorrows. Unfortunately, kids aren't immune to pain and tragedy. Some of the tough times of adolescence are quite common (broken relationships, not making a team, failing a test), but they still can seem devastating for teenagers. Other times, life really throws your kids a curve. Friends die in a car accident. A classmate commits suicide. Your family faces a death, divorce, natural disaster, or other major upheaval.
Some of the best impact you can have on kids' lives is during crisis situations. That's when kids need a prepared, focused, engaged, and loving ally. That's also when they're powerfully open to God's healing touch. God is love, and he can't keep himself from moving redemptively into traumatic experiences that land like a bomb in kids' lives. Through God's grace, families often discover strengths, resilience, and courage that wouldn't have surfaced otherwise.
As a parent, you have the opportunity to be a safe haven during life's storms. Allow kids to tell and retell their stories and share their feelings. Give them space to talk about their doubts and questions about God. Use crises to develop in your teenagers eyes full of compassion (see Matthew 9:35-38). And offer hope that God will turn tragedy into something beautiful, according to his will. This issue of "The Parent Link" offers insights and general strategies you can use. For help with specific crises, check out Group's Emergency Response Handbook for Parents, available from www.Group.com.
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Psychology professor and author Les Parrott III offers these steps to help you handle your next challenging situation:
1. Accept the crisis. We're often tempted to play down another person's problem to ease our own anxiety. Instead of talking teenagers out of their pain, acknowledge it.
2. Gather information carefully. It's dangerous to jump to a hasty conclusion before you have all the facts. There may be more to the crisis than you're hearing.
3. Be present. Listen and communicate a willingness to give the time required. Being with a caring person who's fully present renews energy and hope in a young soul.
4. Help make God's presence known. Without spiritualizing and giving simplistic answers, reassure kids that God will help them through tough times. The Psalms are an especially effective bridge back to God.
5. Determine an immediate action plan. Identify the problem and the desired outcome. Then think about who is best equipped to help your teenager through the crisis. Also mobilize social support.
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Chances are that your teenager has already experienced profound grief.
• By the end of high school, 20% of students will have experienced the death of one parent, and 90% will have lost a close relative or loved one.
• Before their 18th birthday, half of all kids will experience the divorce of their parents. Experts say divorce negatively impacts some kids more than a parent's death does.
• Each year, one in every 1,500 high school students dies.
• Car crashes are the top killer of teenagers. Every year, 5,000 U.S. teenagers die in car crashes.
• Almost one in every two rape victims is 18 or younger.
(pbs.org "In the Mix: Dealing With Death," npr.org, rainn.org)
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When wickedness is allowed to rear its ugly head (and seemingly triumph), God opens new doors of opportunity to turn what was meant for evil and use it for good. During crises and challenges, remember these three points: First, let hurting kids process and label their emotions because they need a healthy outlet. Second, don't hesitate to seek outside help, being proactive so kids can cope with their shock and distress. Third, make the most of the opportunity, using it to draw your kids and your family closer to God. Some of the messages to convey include:
